This is probably one of the hardest post for me to write, I’ve been debating for days on posting this or not, I’ve never really told my story out loud before where people actually knew about it I’ve told a few friends or family members but not a lot of people know the truth.
It started in 2014 when I met a guy he seemed sweet and nice in the beginning, he never gave me any warnings or made me feel like something wasn’t right. we would hang out all the time, he made me laugh and he even treated me like a queen and made sure that as always I was ok and taken care of.
The weird part is I remember my therapist asking me ” when was the first time it happened?” I paused before answering thinking back to the first time he laid hands on me we had gotten in to an argument it seemed meaningless at the time but it was obviously bad enough for him to grab me up and shove me in to the wall, I remember telling him to get off me, I remember being scared but that still wasn’t enough for me to leave him.
We moved along as If everything was normal but it wasn’t he was always trying to change me from how I acted, what I wore, who I could and couldn’t talk too. He became extremely controlling and I felt trapped but I still couldn’t leave him after all he was sorry, i recalled another night where he had gotten so angry with me because I said something he didn’t like so he grabbed me up slammed me to the ground and proceed to put his hands on me.I tried fighting him off, even told him I was calling the police eventually he got scared took my phone and his so I had no one to call, he pleaded with me not to call anyone because he didn’t wanna lose everything and I felt bad because his mother was sick, I gave in like I always did because after all he claimed to love me.
So Many nights were spent in fear because in my mind, I never really knew when he would have a moment when he would lose control. I never told anyone what was going on, I was secluded from family and friends and I felt alone. The final straw was when we were in the bathroom, I was getting ready so we could go out and I remember he had a group of friends over they were downstairs he proceeded to start an argument, I wasn’t trying to argue all I wanted in that moment was for him to leave me alone but he wouldn’t go away he was angry and continued to yell and scream at me he raised his hand but instead of hitting me he grabbed me up and threw me towards the tub, I cried out in fear told him to let me go at this moment he was panicking, I remember his friends yelling asking what was going on he lied telling them everything was ok, I continued to try to reach for my phone but he had taken it and tried to keep me in the bathroom so I couldn’t leave.
I remember finally getting the courage to leave him and getting away, yes it took me two years but I finally had enough one day and I was tired of the physical/verbal abuse, I remember my dad telling me he wasn’t the one to be with, I remember my mom telling me she missed the old me. I couldn’t handle it all so I sough therapy, my therapist has gotten me through a lot she talked with me for hours, told me all the reasons I deserved better and helped me get myself together and I never looked back, so to anyone out there in a abusive relationship you deserved better and it’s never too late to get out I stayed longer then I should have in my mind I know I should of left way earlier no abuse is ever ok. This is my story and the whole time I type this I’m scared, scared because the world will finally know my truth. I hope this helps someone out there.
if you or anyone out there is being abused or hurt please seek help for it, I promise you it can get better (yes I know some stories are worse then mine) however I still wanted to share my story. It’s so much more that happened in those two years but of course I can’t type/put everything in this one blog so If anyone has questions they want to ask or want to know anything more I’m here to answer with open arms.
Thank you 🙏
(Reach out to them for help)
MyMentalHealthDiary 
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